I don’t know where to begin. I’m afraid my blog is all over the place. Then again, so is my mind, so I suppose it’s quite reflective of my thought process yet perhaps hard to follow.
Some days are good, some days are less than that. But every day is a blessing, right?
I have several drafts about several different topics that I had intended to write about, yet I find myself typing nothing of importance. Random thoughts, for the world to read.
I can say this: I have been working hard every day to be better than the day before. Some days I succeed, some days I do not. Whatever kind of day it has been, as long as there were no major injuries and we go to bed having eaten well and laughed some, I’ve not been a failure. Despite what my brain tries to convince me of.
This PPD business is a total bitch. I’m SO OVER the intrusive thoughts, the lethargy, the mood swings, the panic attacks, the feelings of inadequacy, the constant mindfuck of it all. It’s terrible. If you’ve never been there, consider yourself lucky. If you’re stuck in the boggy recesses of a horribly depressed mind, I feel your pain. I know it. And I’m sorry. It can be a slow road to recovery. They tell me this illness can be overcome. I have to believe that. I have to KNOW that. I draw strength from the many women I speak with who are going through the same struggles.
Things are getting better. They will continue to get better.
Today I am grateful. SO GRATEFUL. That Superstorm that ravaged NY and NJ? The shores that were destroyed? Those are the beaches I grew up on. The town next to the one I grew up in was almost completely underwater. The town next to the one I live in now was almost completely underwater. My family and I were spared. I have friends and extended family that were not. I am grateful. And I am doing my best to help the people who need it. I can only imagine what they are going through. It will be a long, slow recovery. But there will be a recovery. I will do whatever I can to help. Many others are doing the same.
Perhaps this was less of a babble about how I’m trying to remain positive and more of a story about how I am hopeful and AM being positive. It’s all I can do right now. And that’s all I have.