The Horror.

As I lay in bed contemplating and planning my morning (there is usually about 5 minutes for this after I get the baby back to sleep for the third time and finish up my word games) my days usually look like something out of an old 50’s tv show. Everyone is happy and smiling, my hair, clothes, children, and home are spotless, and the day runs like a well oiled machine. We do projects, go to the park, we nap. Dinner is on the table by 5, kids are in bed by 7, and after a wonderful and insightful conversation with the bf, we retire, to sleep soundlessly through the night.

In reality, it’s more like a scene from Apocalypse Now. There’s a lot of screaming, crying, food, and bodily fluids EVERYWHERE. (Why didn’t they tell me about all of the fluids that come out of a child in sex ed????) It’s really not at all like I had imagined. It never occurred to me that pureed foods would leave such deadly looking splatter patterns, or that I would have to think of new and innovative ways to get a 2 year old to sit still long enough to eat. I was completely unaware that diaper changes involved acrobatics, or that it would take an average of 3 snotty, teary breakdown face wipe-offs on my shirt before I could even consider finding a new one to put on. And did you know that although toddlers are made of rubber, they require ice for even the slightest bump?? I did not. But they do.

By the time I get the little one off to dreamland for her first nap, DDa is hungry again. Usually (for the third time, because she couldn’t sit still long enough to finish her breakfast or post breakfast snack) I have to make her something to eat before she can take her nap. (I used to think peanut butter and jelly was perfect for this. Do not be fooled by its simplicity. Peanut butter and jelly is a messy, messy, awful thing to have to clean out of hair and clothing.)Ā After a battle of wits and wills, and a sufficient amount of food has been consumed, I convince her that if she goes to sleep, there will be a wonderful surprise for her when she wakes up. (I try not to be specific, that tends to backfire)

Ok. Now they’re both asleep. I can doze peacefully on the couch and/or catch up on any number of shows I have on the DVR, right? NO! Because the second my cheeks hit the cushions DDz is awake and either wants to play or cry or eat or just sit and stare at me. Sometimes we watch Mad Men together. But mostly I just try to get her to go back to sleep so I can (PLEASE, BABY) nap for 20 minutes. That’s all I need. And the moment we both finally, contentedly, drift off…

“MOMMY? I need to go peepee on the potty RIGHT NOW!”


And it’s not even noon yet. šŸ™‚

So I wonder, is it just me, or does your day look like this too?


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Chris
    May 01, 2012 @ 03:21:48

    If you only knew… šŸ™‚ Anyhow, keep up the great work – it’s all worth it! (Or, that’s what I keep telling myself… lol)


  2. alitlmonkee
    May 01, 2012 @ 03:26:32

    Thanks, lol we’ve gotta get through it somehow, right?


  3. Rob Gokee (@robgokee)
    May 01, 2012 @ 14:37:49

    I went through this as a single parent with two about the same distance apart as you. It gets easier when they’re both in school. In some ways. Then it gets harder in other ways. I remember thinking, “Man, I’m getting this out of the way when I’m young, suckers!”

    Then you meet someone who you fall in love with that also wants kids. (smacks head) But I’m ready for Round 2, because this time, I know what’s coming;)

    Keep your head up, A. You’re a great mom, and you’re raising great kids.


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