Mirena, PPD, or both?

I started writing this about two months ago. I had initially not posted it because I wasn’t “feeling it”. Two months later I’m starting to feel like my normal self again, and decided this needed to be posted.

Post Partum Depression is a serious subject and is often not recognized/treated until there’s some kind of crisis involved. At least, that’s how it went for me. If you have struggled with PPD or anything similar, I’d love for you to comment on what helped you and how you realized that something was not right. I’m interested in what you have to say.

So here’s the story:

September 13, 2012

Well, it’s been a bit over a month since I had the Mirena hormonal IUD removed. I am highly disappointed to report that not all of my symptoms have disappeared.
Panic
Anxiety
Depression
Apathy
Inability to start tasks
Inability to complete tasks
Hopelessness
Palpitations
Rage
Lightheadedness
Dizziness

Extreme Fatigue
BO requiring 2-3 applications of deodorant application per day. Prior to this I barely needed it at all. I tried 6 different brands marketed for both males and females and none were effective. (sorry if that’s tmi for you)
Thinning hair-clumps falling out daily
Peeling fingernails

Weird swelling in hand (one spot on each hand would would puff up and have a burning sensation. There were no changes in lotion, soaps, etc)
Upset stomach (nausea)
Stomach pains
Abdominal pain
Stabbing pains in uterus

Memory loss
Poor vision
Vision disturbances

Joint pain
Impatience
Severe mood swings
No libido
Always cold
Cystic Acne (had this while on other BC)
Shaking/tremors (hand)
Stabbing pain in head
Pain during sex
Shaky when hungry (even if I had just eaten a meal a short time ago. Note: I was once diagnosed with mild hypoglycemia but it was never EVER to the point where I’d be shaking if I wasn’t eating every hour)

The ones in bold are better. The rest apparently fit the criteria for Post Partum Depression.*

Well SHIT. NOT what I expected there.

I made some calls. Had several trips to the ER for panic attacks. Called the NJ Speak Up When You’re Down hotline for PPD, who helped me get set up in a support group and with psych services in my area. They’ve helped me apply for a grant to pay for those services through a local mental health center. In the meantime I’ve been seeing a wonderfully attentive Nurse Practitioner who is helping me get the remaining symptoms to a point of manageability.Things are improving slowly. What I hate the most is the medication issue. I CLEARLY need medication. Unfortunately, to treat my variety of symptoms effectively, several medications were needed. Which led me to make the decision to gently wean my youngest daughter sooner than intended. I had made it past the one year mark, and that’s something to be proud of. Still, it’s sad for me, and I’m sure my little Bean is missing the all access pass she once held.

*some of these symptoms can also be explained by thyroid issues, but I had that checked too and mine wasn’t the issue.

Update 11/15/12

Things finally seem to be normalizing. After several months, different combinations of medications, support groups both online and in person (I only made it to that once, but REALLY REALLY love the ladies there and want to go back), talk therapy, essential oil therapy and the end of a less than healthy relationship, I am thrilled to report that I have hope. The suicidal ideations I was experiencing and obsessing over all day have stopped. I am able to laugh and play with my children. I no longer become so overwhelmed at the thought of a task that I can’t even bear to do it. Bits and pieces of me are showing up and I’m starting to learn who I am. I’m finding my identity as a mother and a woman. It’s kinda cool.

This is not to say I am cured. I am, however, better. Much better.

If you are stuck in it, I feel for you. I know your pain. Please read this and know, it gets better. The most important thing to do is speak up. Ask for help. It makes all of the difference in the world. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to admit that I was not ok. Once I said it though, I couldn’t stop saying it. I am not ok. I am not ok. I am not ok.

Today, I am ok. I hope you are too.

🙂

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A day like any other, but calmer. But not really. Cuz Mirena.

Today started out surprisingly well. I woke to the baby jumping on me and yelling for her sister. After several attempts to get her back to sleep so I could get (PLEASE) 5 more minutes, I succumbed.
Now we are having breakfast.

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She made a beautiful garden.

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She was just happy.

All was well in Monkeeville. There was general mayhem, which is normal for us.

AND THEN. IT HIT ME. Like a ton of evil little demons. A panic attack. Not a full blown panic attack, but it was coming. I could tell. Those little green anxious demons were dancing in my gut. So as quickly and efficiently as I could I packed the kids up and took them to my moms.
She took one look at me and knew I wasn’t ok. We brainstormed. We made phone calls. We made arrangements.

By the time I got to the hospital I thought I was having a heart attack. My left arm and hand were tingling. I felt like I had a tiny person standing on my chest. I wanted to cry. My hands were shaking. My stomach was upset.

They immediately gave me an EKG which came back normal. I ended up sitting for almost 3 hours in a hallway until a room opened up.

Meanwhile I hadn’t eaten since 8am and was STARVING. So my guy brought me pizza. And root beer.

Finally I got into a room. They drew blood. I’m getting fluids. They gave me meds. The meds kinda worked. But those little green anxiety demons I mentioned earlier? They’re regrouping. I can feel them.
So I figured I’d write to you. Maybe this could take my mind off of this for a bit.

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Eventually I spoke to someone in the crisis unit. She agreed that I didn’t need to be admitted and that (HOPEFULLY) this will pass in time as soon as my hormones regulate.

By the time I got out of there I was tired, cranky, and the anxiety demons were back.

This blows. And this is only the first day I’ve had the damn thing out. Please someone tell me this will pass quickly and I will be able to function again?

 

But I can’t express enough how grateful I am for my IRL friends and family and my internet friends and family checking in on me, sending me virtual hugs and love and peaceful energy.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You people rock my socks.

Be sure to visit these pages too…

Not merely clouds and rainstorms, I also photograph food a lot.

While cleaning out old pics, I found this.

It's hilariously sardonic if you take a moment to consider it. Two of my three new buddies.  These two slept by when I went into a sugar induced coma. 
Meet Rocky and Wiggles. Wink hasn't warmed up to me yet, but she will. During the interim, these lil snugglemachines give me a happy. Many thank yous to the Queen of this domain for being so welcoming. Love you Mama! Happy #WalkingDead Monday!
#TheDayAfter #TheWalkingDead #DeadYourself #ImAZombie This is what I look like in my head. #NoFoodAfterMidnight #DoubleEntandre (#notreally)
But seriously.  This is what my nights are like. 😉
@rekkr88njsps #IfIWasAZombie #DeadYourself 
#TimeSuck
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